Insecurity became a hindrance

Hello everyone, Meryl here and it’s Reflection Monday again! Today, I want to share how insecurity became a hindrance to meeting my friends.

 

When I was in grade school, I had a hard time with my friends. It wasn’t just because of the quarrels between us, but it was also more on my part of being open with them.  First, I had a difficult time with trusting and speaking up about myself. Second, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to my friends and classmates. I guess this was because I was scared that they might judge me. And lastly, I would get an uncomfortable feeling whenever I would talk about myself with my friends, because I would feel that they might judge me for what I would say, or that they might label me as the “weird girl”. In the end, I would become the kind of girl who will just be talked about, made fun off, and left alone.

I was led to drowning in my own thoughts.

I was careful of what I should say about myself. I would always say what I think my friends would want to hear. I would let them choose first before me – I let them be who they are before I chose to be who I was. I tried to be like them more than I tried to be myself. Did it get to me? Well, years passed and I realized that I wasn’t having fun. So yes, it did get to me. Something in my heart was heavy. I buried the real “Meryl” and kept shaping myself into what I think my friends would like to see me as.

I wanted to change myself. Things needed to change.

I needed that change. I didn’t want to keep on copying them just to make them “like” me. I was having an uncomfortable time being that unreal Meryl. I’ve got to believe that before showing the real me, I have to first accept and be who I really am. The Meryl that I am.

Although it had to take baby steps into talking more, and when I reached high school, I was still confused of who I really was. I didn’t know how to communicate with my classmates. I was so insecure and quiet in grade school that I had no idea how to change that in high school. In addition, I barely knew anyone in my class. In fact, I think I only knew most of them by name.

I started talking to my classmates around me. I talked about my likes and dislikes with them. At that time, I was scared that they might judge for my preferences but to my surprise they felt the same way. I was happy in knowing that I was not alone with my likes and dislikes. I thought they would judge me for it.

As time passed, I gained new friends and strengthened my old friendships as they discovered my mini transformation. Even if I experienced some criticism because of my preferences, I learned that it was pretty okay. I’m glad that I shared who I really am. They know me for myself and not for the girl who acts for her friends.

I learned that it’s okay if people would judge you because whatever you’ll do they will still judge you. Thinking about the past, I realized that I didn’t have much fun as I am now just because of the insecurities I felt.  Why should I be uncomfortable of myself? I have to enjoy and be proud of who I am. If not, then I would be hesitating for the rest of my life. I personally think that accepting oneself is one of the key to happiness.

We have our own key ingredients to our happiness, and I want to continuously discover mine and bring it to others.

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Comment down below for any feedback/ suggestions or message me in my social media accounts!

Twitter: @azuMERYL
Instagram: @azumeryl
E-mail: azumerylbusiness16@gmail.com

Salamat for reading!

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8 thoughts on “Insecurity became a hindrance

  1. “I learned that it’s okay if people would judge you because whatever you’ll do they will still judge you. ” This is so true. I’m so amazed about how much I can relate with this post. As you did, I am still in the process of taking baby steps on battling with insecurity. I’m hoping that I would be as comfortable as you are now, very soon. More power to you, po! =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m happy that you felt the same way! Just keep on battling that insecurity and you will discover that you will love yourself more. I’m also still trying my best everyday. Thank you po for reading! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “accepting oneself is one of the key to happiness” you got it! I
    I can relate with you since I felt the same when I was your age. In fact I had an identity crisis at the age of 28 with four kids around! I think most of us can relate with you, maybe it is our culture or the way we were brought up that made us feel that way. Nevertheless it is not too late to know ourselves and celebrate both the strength and the weakness we all have. As you go along more will be revealed to you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tita Aui! Thank you for reading my post. I’m glad that I’m not alone. I’m quite happy that my friends who have read this feel the same thing. They feel that they are not alone ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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